[IC] [Mask or Menace] Contact Post

[dendarii]

"This is Miles. Leave a message and I'll respond to you at my earliest convenience."

The line has gone silent; any messages sent to this name only return an error.

Comments

[dendarii]

... Mother, please.

[keep_nothing]

My point is, you are able to be loved, Miles. You just tend to ... [ She searches for a neutral way of saying this, ] not separate the act from the feeling.

[dendarii]

I don't want to separate the act from the feeling. Isn't that how it's supposed to be at its best? Both wrapped up in one? An ultimate expression of love?

[keep_nothing]

It can be, but it doesn't always happen on the first try, love, or even the second. Mine didn't. Your father's didn't.

[dendarii]

But you at least managed something with your earlier partners, right? You felt - emotionally satisfied even if it didn't work out.

[keep_nothing]

[ She can only offer a shrug in answer. ]

My expectations were different than what you're looking for, when I first started out. And even when I thought I wanted more ... well. I certainly thought I was satisfied for a while. But I had compromised myself in doing so.

[dendarii]

"Compromised"? What do you mean?

[keep_nothing]

[ She shifts positions on the bed, bringing both feet up so she can sit cross-legged, leaning the bottle upright against her knee. It makes her look younger somehow, the girlish posture slightly defensive. She swirls the wine in her glass, watching it as she answers. Her tone is light though; the memory doesn't pain her as much as it used to, though it does still hurt to think back on it. ]

I was with someone who was going for their captaincy, same as me. We knew we couldn't both get it, so we talked and decided that I should back down for a while. I thought it was a good idea at the time since I had been thinking about applying for a parent license with him; it wouldn't do well for both of us to blind-jump wormholes when worrying about children back home.

Turns out he never wanted children in the first place. Somewhere in my mind I knew that, but I chose to ignore it. When he got his captaincy, he ended our relationship soon after.

[dendarii]

[ Miles grimaces a bit, self-righteous anger on her behalf filtering across. ]

He should have just told you. At least mine have all been upfront in rejecting me.

[keep_nothing]

[ She waves her hand vaguely, brushing the memory aside and flagging down his anger; it was long ago for her now. ]

Old news now, and not the point here. You can't pry that, how did you call it ... emotional satisfaction from someone else. That's not their job.

[dendarii]

... No. You're right. It's not their job. And if it were, it wouldn't be a relationship, would it?

[ He takes a long drink, then reaches to top himself off. ]

[keep_nothing]

[ She pours for him, keeping control of the bottle for now but at least she's not being stingy. ]

So what happened? It felt like everything was going well until a few minutes before he left. Even the sex seemed like it was pleasant enough.

[dendarii]

[ Jeez, Mom. Miles flushes a bit. ]

It did go well. I ... found I enjoyed it very much.

[keep_nothing]

Yeah? I thought you might.

[dendarii]

Yes, well ... I'll concede you were right on this point.

[keep_nothing]

[ She just smiles at that, not commenting further since she doesn't want to rub it in. That's not her goal for this visit.

She takes another long sip herself, waiting for Miles to answer her question of what happened, not pushing him to do so; she'll wait for him to arrive at his own answer. ]

[dendarii]

[ It'll take him a few minutes and nearly an entire glass of wine. ]

I asked him what he wanted to call it. What he wanted to call us. That was all. It's not as though I proposed.

[keep_nothing]

[ She lets out a subtle sigh, reaching to refill his glass onc3e again. ]

Ah. You wanted a label.

[dendarii]

... Don't look at me like that. It's a perfectly normal impulse.

[keep_nothing]

To some degree, yes. But would you have been so put out to wait a while and see where your relationship went with Jim first?

[dendarii]

I thought I had a reasonably clear idea!

[keep_nothing]

[ Holds up a hand, ] Calm, love. I'm not trying to stir you up or argue over this.

[dendarii]

I know, but - I wasn't being foolish. I truly thought it'd be best to establish before we went too far.

[keep_nothing]

Not foolish, but—you're like a battering ram, love. That forward momentum of yours sometimes charges in too fast. You don't always take in the surroundings first.

[ She leaves the incident with Tex unmentioned here, mercifully, but the implication is clear. ]

[dendarii]

... So I should have known that Jim would have been skittish?