[IC] [Mask or Menace] Contact Post

[dendarii]

"This is Miles. Leave a message and I'll respond to you at my earliest convenience."

The line has gone silent; any messages sent to this name only return an error.

Comments

[dendarii]

Of course not. Why would I do something like that to him?

[overemotionally]

[Okay now Jim was confused.]

Like what to him? Tell him you love him? And for that matter, how are you even keeping it a secret if you're connected telepathically?

[dendarii]

Yes, Jim. Do you realize what kind of pressure that puts on a person? On him specifically? And god, I can't take him rejecting me.

[ He looks stricken and pale at the very thought. There's something he doesn't think he'd recover from. ]

I'm hiding it so far. Blocking it off.

[overemotionally]

[No, because I avoid these situations altogether

But he holds himself back from saying it out loud seeing just how upset Miles was by the thought.]

What makes you think Gregor would reject you? [By any indications Jim had seen, it looked like Gregor at least would be open to it.]

[dendarii]

He's with Kitty, first of all.

[ Which is ultimately Miles' biggest objection. No matter how Gregor may or may not feel - or how open he might be to the idea - he refuses to even entertain the possibility of ruining this for them. ]

[overemotionally]

Really?

[That was news to him. He runs a hand through his hair. You could not have picked a worse person to confide in about this, Miles.

Not to mention it was weird that even so, Jim had gotten that vibe from Gregor that there was something between them. He still refused to believe it could all be explained away their lord/liege-sworn relationship. There was no way.]

...Okay, "first of all". What's the rest of it?

[dendarii]

[ He likes Jim, okay. And trusts him. Even if he is terrible at this. ]

Yes, really. And he's the Emperor, remember? I want him to have kids. Lots and lots of kids.

[overemotionally]

[Glad to be trusted finally but ????

Jim tries hard not to make a face at the "kids" discussion. He guesses it makes sense considering what kind of society they're from but...]

So...he can have kids. What would be stopping him from doing that if you guys were together?

[Different cultures, man.]

[dendarii]

[ Miles ... pauses for a moment, considering. It's true that Beta Colony has the appropriate tech - and surely with uterine replicators being so common nowadays, no one would blink at a child coming from one as long as the genetic scans showed clean. Which they would. ]

I ... er, I suppose we could. But the political ramifications. I'm barely tolerated as a Count's heir, much less - whatever my title would be. Prince-Consort?

[overemotionally]

You'd be with the Emperor. He sounds like a big deal [Sarcasm]. People would mess with you even then?

[The more he hears about Barrayar the more he dislikes it, honestly.]

[dendarii]

Oh, certainly. They'd make Gregor's life hell in any way they could, or at minimum dig in their heels politically. I'd be nothing but a lead weight around his neck.

[overemotionally]

[Jim waves all that off because he didn't really have a good answer for him.]

Okay worry about that if/when you go back. What about now? Here?

[dendarii]

[ Miles tenses instantly. ]

That's - well - obviously there'd be no political issues here, but I'd want it to continue on Barrayar. If we remember anything.

[overemotionally]

[Watching you carefully now, Miles.]

Okay, but still not answering my question. Take Barrayar out of the equation for a second. Thinking about just right now.

[dendarii]

[ Now he looks a bit terrified. Because Jim is making him hope, just a little, and that scares the shit out of him. ]

What would I do? Marry him here or something?

[overemotionally]

[Did he say something wrong? Damn he wants to reach out just to know what Miles is thinking. He spoiled himself.]

Whoa, baby steps first. How about you guys actually dating?

[dendarii]

[ Probably for the best he doesn't right now; Miles is a bit of a mess. ]

I'm not going to casually date Gregor.

[overemotionally]

[Jim gives him a Look.]

You can't date someone without marrying them?

[Dear god did he ever dodge a bullet if that's true.]

[dendarii]

I - er - well, of course I can. Just not Gregor.

[overemotionally]

So it's marry him or waste your time pining?

[dendarii]

... Yes. Yes, that's about the sum of it.

[overemotionally]

[He just. Has to rub his face with both hands at that. In utter exasperation.]

You're not making this easy for yourself, you know that?

[dendarii]

Yes, I'd noticed. But there's nothing else to do.

[overemotionally]

Jesus...

[He leans forward in his chair and looks Miles square in the eyes.]

You're telling me you're going to sit there and do nothing about it?

[dendarii]

[ He can't quite meet Jim's in return. ]

Oh, I considered drinking myself to death, but that'd be terribly unfair to everyone else who has to deal with me.