[ But she lowers her eyes and smiles - the expression now quite thoroughly wistful. ]
The problem is that there are plenty of people not aware of that. [ A beat. ] And it's not as though I've got an inside that would make most people crumble and swoon.
[ He does have to take a moment to assess here. Would he normally want this with someone actually her age? Eh ... maybe not. But this is Kitty, dammit, who clearly ended up like this doing something wildly brave and amazing. He doesn't have to work hard to stir up real warmth. ]
Hardly. You're like something out of an old Barrayaran fairy tale. A young girl who travels to the spirit world to save everyone - and does, but returns changed. As I recall, her lover adored the starry silver color of her hair.
[ He reaches out lightly to touch it with one hand. ]
Not at all. Ask Gregor and he'll tell you the same one. My word as a Vor.
[ And Miles won't even cheat and tell him telepathically. He hesitates for a moment, then continues his gesture. Lightly threading his fingers through her hair. ]
[ That's ... exactly how the tale ends, in fact, except with both dead. It's a happy ending. Barrayarans. Miles tactfully decides not to mention it, though; instead, his breath catches a bit. ]
[ Her breath hitches again. But she leans her head against his and rocks gently against him. Her voice is a whisper. ]
We went into it knowing we wouldn't come out the other side. The three of us. We knew we'd die. Better to make a willing sacrifice than to die unwillingly.
... Let yourself hurt for a little while. And then unleash hell on any bastard who dares look at you funny for being one of the bravest, most amazing women I've ever known.
[ She squeezes her eyes more tightly shut. A few rebellious tears manage to escape nevertheless. Still, in spite of that, and in spite of her trembling shoulders, she nods shakily. Whispers - ]
Yeah.
[ And then with another hitching breath: ]
We did stop them. We did save people. The three of us together. It ought to have been impossible, you know, but we did it.
Exactly. There's the most important part of all of it. Everything else you can deal with in time.
Starting with a nap, I think. Come on, it's too early for me too.
[ He detaches just enough to put his hand on her shoulder instead, to tug her back towards his bed. ... A moment later he realizes how that must look, given his earlier conversation, and hurriedly clarifies. ]
And I do mean just sleeping. These damn Earth days aren't long enough.
[ She pulls her hand free and leans forward and slips back into the form of a cat. It's easier. Less natural than that form, her native human form, but...Easier. And, honestly, a bit less awkward...She braces herself, and then leaps onto the bed - right into the warm spot here he'd been sleeping before. And she curls up there. ]
[ She snuggles up against his chest, her voice already a little muzzy and distant with impending sleep. As it comes on, her regular breathing deepens into a purr, constant, against him. ]
[ What an odd thing being curled around someone instead of the reverse. He's usually the little spoon when it comes to cuddling. Gently, he scritches just under her ears. ]
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[ But she lowers her eyes and smiles - the expression now quite thoroughly wistful. ]
The problem is that there are plenty of people not aware of that. [ A beat. ] And it's not as though I've got an inside that would make most people crumble and swoon.
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Hardly. You're like something out of an old Barrayaran fairy tale. A young girl who travels to the spirit world to save everyone - and does, but returns changed. As I recall, her lover adored the starry silver color of her hair.
[ He reaches out lightly to touch it with one hand. ]
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There's no fairy tale like that. You're making it up.
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[ And Miles won't even cheat and tell him telepathically. He hesitates for a moment, then continues his gesture. Lightly threading his fingers through her hair. ]
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[ She lifts her eyebrows - but she also leans her head in to his touch, just like she does as a cat. ]
And how about that version of the story where everything got so cocked up that her lover ended up having to die, as well?
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He died? During this ...
[ Disaster, he doesn't say. ]
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[ Her lip trembles just a bit. She squeezes her eyes shut against the tears that threaten to brim over. ]
I mean...Sort of, because he was only sort of that to her. He didn't sort of die. He...he died very thoroughly. Never coming back.
[ A hitched breath in. And a hot tear, scalding its way down her cheek. ]
She barely had a chance to know him.
[ And then, angrily, she dashes her sleeve against her eyes. ]
Damn it. It doesn't matter. There are thousands dead. Thousands more wounded. What do two deaths and a wrinkled face matter?
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It matters. The same way every one of those thousands dead and wounded matter to the people who love them.
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We went into it knowing we wouldn't come out the other side. The three of us. We knew we'd die. Better to make a willing sacrifice than to die unwillingly.
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Certainly. I wouldn't argue against that for a moment. But that doesn't make it any easier for you now, does it?
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[ She gives a little shake of her head. ]
No. It doesn't. At all.
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Yeah.
[ And then with another hitching breath: ]
We did stop them. We did save people. The three of us together. It ought to have been impossible, you know, but we did it.
[ And then, in a sigh: ]
God, I'm tired, though. I'm so tired.
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Starting with a nap, I think. Come on, it's too early for me too.
[ He detaches just enough to put his hand on her shoulder instead, to tug her back towards his bed. ... A moment later he realizes how that must look, given his earlier conversation, and hurriedly clarifies. ]
And I do mean just sleeping. These damn Earth days aren't long enough.
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[ She pulls her hand free and leans forward and slips back into the form of a cat. It's easier. Less natural than that form, her native human form, but...Easier. And, honestly, a bit less awkward...She braces herself, and then leaps onto the bed - right into the warm spot here he'd been sleeping before. And she curls up there. ]
I could use that.
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How's this?
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[ She snuggles up against his chest, her voice already a little muzzy and distant with impending sleep. As it comes on, her regular breathing deepens into a purr, constant, against him. ]
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Sleep well, Kitty.