[IC] [Mask or Menace] Contact Post

[dendarii]

"This is Miles. Leave a message and I'll respond to you at my earliest convenience."

The line has gone silent; any messages sent to this name only return an error.

Comments

[overemotionally]

[Did he say something wrong? Damn he wants to reach out just to know what Miles is thinking. He spoiled himself.]

Whoa, baby steps first. How about you guys actually dating?

[dendarii]

[ Probably for the best he doesn't right now; Miles is a bit of a mess. ]

I'm not going to casually date Gregor.

[overemotionally]

[Jim gives him a Look.]

You can't date someone without marrying them?

[Dear god did he ever dodge a bullet if that's true.]

[dendarii]

I - er - well, of course I can. Just not Gregor.

[overemotionally]

So it's marry him or waste your time pining?

[dendarii]

... Yes. Yes, that's about the sum of it.

[overemotionally]

[He just. Has to rub his face with both hands at that. In utter exasperation.]

You're not making this easy for yourself, you know that?

[dendarii]

Yes, I'd noticed. But there's nothing else to do.

[overemotionally]

Jesus...

[He leans forward in his chair and looks Miles square in the eyes.]

You're telling me you're going to sit there and do nothing about it?

[dendarii]

[ He can't quite meet Jim's in return. ]

Oh, I considered drinking myself to death, but that'd be terribly unfair to everyone else who has to deal with me.

[overemotionally]

[He sucks in a breath at that.]

Miles...

[dendarii]

I'm not going to do anything. And neither are you. If you breathe so much of a word of this to Gregor...

[overemotionally]

I won't but if you think I'm going to sit back and watch you torture yourself, you don't know me very well.

[His mind is already working. Technicalities...what's the technicality in this situation...?]

[dendarii]

[ Miles lifts his chin stubbornly. ]

There's nothing you can do.

[overemotionally]

That a challenge?

[dendarii]

It's a factual statement. I'm telling you all this because I trust you, dammit. Don't betray that.

[overemotionally]

I know you do and I don't plan on it.

[He settles back in his seat, arms folded, watching Miles carefully. It was true he didn't plan on talking to Gregor about it....]

So...what? You going to be celibate the rest of your life then?

[dendarii]

[ Miles throws up his hands. ]

Hell, maybe. Or at least no more sex with people I care about.

[overemotionally]

What does that mean?

[dendarii]

... I mean I get attached too easily. You've seen that.

[overemotionally]

I told you at the time that was because of how I am. Besides, I think we managed pretty well after that.

[A beat.]

...Right?

[dendarii]

[ Finally, shyly, Miles reaches out for Jim's hand. Offering to open the link. ]

Of course. We did just fine. That's exactly why I can't sleep with you any more, Jim.

[overemotionally]

[Well it wasn't like he didn't see this coming. It's happened too many times before for him to be too disappointed but he had no right to expect anything of course. His own doing by choice. He hesitates a bit before taking Miles' hand, opening the link.

Only now his mindscape was a lot more ordered from the few days before when he had last opened a link with Miles--less raw emotion lurking around, only slight barely-there traces of his disappointment leaking through. He had been working on his meditation and concentration quite thoroughly recently. There's still the general warmth that he now seems to allow through instead of it just existing everywhere all at once.]

Figured as much.

[dendarii]

[ Miles, in contrast, is rather disheveled. With a great big wedge driven into the abyss that marks his self-worth, diverting the flow of any thoughts he's having about Gregor. The decision isn't quite as set in stone as Miles had made it sound; he aches for distraction now, like he'd managed with Spock ... a brief mental image of straddling Spock's lap, mouthing at the underside of his jaw.

But mostly he truly is sorry. He doesn't want to hurt Jim, dammit, and he still cares for him deeply. ]

I'm sorry.

[overemotionally]

[There's a slight flare of heat, not knowing how to organize Miles' mindscape to its usual, instead attempting to soothe. Miles had nothing to be sorry for. Grateful that Miles is still here in fact when many others have simply walked away and never looked back. Not that Jim blamed them either.

...All of his thoughts screech to a halt though when that image flashes by.

And then there's a long mental stillness from Jim's side.

What the hell was that?]