[IC] [Mask or Menace] Contact Post

[dendarii]

"This is Miles. Leave a message and I'll respond to you at my earliest convenience."

The line has gone silent; any messages sent to this name only return an error.

Comments

[dendarii]

[ How does he put this issue into words? Hell, how can he put it into coherent thought? Miles isn't self-aware enough to encapsulate it properly. ]

It just is. You've all already proven your worth a thousand times over. You have a right to it.

[failureisntachoice]

Who the hell said you had to prove anything? I haven't proven jackshit because I could care less what some assholes think about me.

[dendarii]

Yes, and that's incredible. You're amazing, Tex.

[ Some of those old feelings he'd had for her creeps into his voice at that. Just enough to color his words. ]

[failureisntachoice]

[ That's not at all what she wanted to bring back. She maintains their distance though her gaze doesn't waver. ]

That doesn't answer my question. Who said you had to prove anything here?

[dendarii]

[ Miles flinches a bit. ]

No one says anything.

[failureisntachoice]

Then who's implying it? Name one person here that's hassling you to prove yourself.

[dendarii]

No one is, Tex! This isn't Barrayar - barely anyone blinks at me unless I'm trying to fight!

[failureisntachoice]

Then why are you acting like this is Barrayar? The only reason anyone gives a crap about you fighting is because you end up breaking something. With your command headset, you can do plenty of leading near the front without diving that far in.

[dendarii]

[ Miles himself doesn't know how to answer that. Why can't he just let go of it? No one cares here, he's far from the most unusual figure in a place like this ...

But it feels wrong. Cut adrift and lost without walls to fling himself at. He hesitates, groping for words. ]

Why are you still convinced no one but Church will love you?

[failureisntachoice]

[ So he's resorting to using that as a distraction. She immediately stiffens and for the first time in their conversation, her gaze focuses on the wall behind him.

When she speaks, her tone is quieter but no less sharp. ]

I never said I was convinced. Don't try to shove that in my face, it's not going to get anyone killed.

[dendarii]

[ Ah. Misstep, dammit. He shouldn't have brought it up, but he feels so goddamn raw from his issues ... He swallows faintly. ]

I had a point. The point is - it's not so easily shaken, is it? The stuff we were made out of.

[failureisntachoice]

[ She shakes her head, still refusing to look at him. ]

No, it's not. My point is when we're on an op, you need to trust who you brought with you. Getting yourself killed over nothing only makes it worse for the rest of us or worse, can get us killed.

[ She's seen that once here already. Maya's death has left an impression on her that's hard to shake. ]

[dendarii]

I won't get anyone else killed.

[failureisntachoice]

What if someone had snuck up on Jim while he was trying to wrangle you into the closet? Fired off a lucky shot?

[ She shakes her head. ] You're supposed to minimize risks.

[dendarii]

[ He flinches bodily at that; there's no real defense for that. ]

What do you want me to say, Tex?

[failureisntachoice]

[ She sighs and turns more to face him. ]

That you'll be more aware of it in the future. I'm not looking to get myself killed here too.

[dendarii]

I'll reconsider my priorities.

[ He's still going to be a little shit, but that's as close to an actual change Tex - or anyone - is going to get out of him. ]

[failureisntachoice]

Good because I don't want to have to look for another job.

[ And that's as good of a hint that she'll give of what might happen if things go poorly. She stands and glances over at him. ]

How're you feeling?

[dendarii]

[ He takes it in what is perhaps the wrong way: that she'll leave him if he doesn't shape up. That stings even more, goes straight to the heart of him. But he says nothing this time. ]

... Exhausted.

[failureisntachoice]

[ There's a moment of hesitation before she reaches out to give his shoulder a light squeeze. ]

Good thing you can get some rest now. Tell that boy of yours to let you sleep.

[dendarii]

[ He looks up at her when she does. A flicker of fondness, instinctively. ]

The dual lectures were much more tiring, I assure you.

[failureisntachoice]

[ She stifles her laugh. ]

You might get a third later. Your mom wants to see the video from the ops.

[dendarii]

[ Oh god. He just groans softly. ]

You took video of all that?

[failureisntachoice]

Remember all that data I was feeding you? My helmet can capture video, too. I even have a good segment of you being shoved in the closet.

[dendarii]

Of course you do. Why did I expect any different.