[ And she came back like ... this? Is this just from Lucifer torturing her to death? That would be enough for anyone surely, but - Miles strokes along her fur very gently, still holding her close. ]
I...knew it was coming. Nathaniel told me it was coming. I'd wanted to stop it...But I wasn't fast enough. And so my people died. And almost all the magicians, too.
A magician attempted to become powerful by summoning a spirit into himself. That spirit crushed his mind and ran free and used other magicians, summoned spirits into them, their bodies...They captured the entire British government, and offered them the ultimatum that they could either summon spirits and be possessed and have their minds burned out or they could be killed outright. And they all chose to have their minds burned out. Almost all of them. So the army of spirits in human shells swept through the city, eating people or capturing them to eat later...
[ She trails off, remembering it. ]
I was there for the whole thing. From the beginning. It was horrible. It was murder, and it was...brutal. But more, it debased those spirits, too. Sullied them. They were made so grotesque and sad.
[ Dear god. Miles goes absolutely still for a moment as he pictures the sheer horror of that outcome. Nothing like it on his world, even with all its horrors ... ]
I think I'd prefer another Cetagandan invasion to that.
[ He hugs her rather fiercely for a moment. Bites back a comment about her not having been good at that either, just recently, flipping it around instead. His voice trembles very slightly. ]
[ She's quiet a moment. She just leans into his chest, just...feeling his arms around her. Feeling a little of her tension and misery ease as he holds onto her. ]
Yeah.
[ Then, with a bit more strength: ]
Yeah. Well. I'm not exactly going to be in any shape to throw myself into danger any longer.
[ She slips away and takes a few steps back. Then she releases her grip on her power. Lets herself turn into her real form.
She's a strange creature now, to be sure. Her hair is gray and brittle - nothing like the silky dark fall she had before. Her face and hands are wrinkled and mottled, lined with age. But she doesn't look like an old woman - not exactly. Her eyes are bright as a bird's, and her lips are still full, like a young woman's. Still...There's also a clear frailty to her. From the way she kneels on the floor. From the curve of her back.
[ Boy does he recognize that frailty. Not the same cause, oh no, but a similar effect, having bones too frail to stand up to much ... and too, what must be the underlying mental state involved. She said it had only been a day, right? Then this couldn't possibly be a situation where she'd aged naturally somehow, or had the years to match her body ...
He takes it all in, concern flooding his features - but sympathy too, so much sympathy. He stoops just slightly to meet her, reaching for her hands. ]
[ She looks up at him and squeezes his hands. None too tightly. She doesn't have the strength for a really good grip. Her lips quirk up a little more, the expression melancholy. ]
I spent a few minutes in the Other Place. The world of spirits. To call for allies. This is what it did to me.
[ A beat. ]
It's all right. I'll grow into it. It'll just...take a few years, right?
[ As he suspected, then. He squeezes back, equally gently, though suddenly aware of the fact that his grip is stronger than hers. God ... He never really wanted that to happen. ]
Of course. I'll show you all the tricks I've come up with over the years - shortcuts to adapting, very useful. It'll all be second nature soon enough.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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[ And she came back like ... this? Is this just from Lucifer torturing her to death? That would be enough for anyone surely, but - Miles strokes along her fur very gently, still holding her close. ]
... What happened, Kitty?
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That...might be - something for another day. I don't think I can tell the full story. Not right now, at least.
[ A beat. ]
Don't stop petting me like that, by the way. That feels really, really nice.
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... That bad, is it. Is there anything you do want to tell?
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The government fell. Over the course of that day.
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[ He's all for her world getting less horrific, but - one day can't possibly have been bloodless. ]
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[ Her voice grows even smaller. ]
I...knew it was coming. Nathaniel told me it was coming. I'd wanted to stop it...But I wasn't fast enough. And so my people died. And almost all the magicians, too.
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A magician attempted to become powerful by summoning a spirit into himself. That spirit crushed his mind and ran free and used other magicians, summoned spirits into them, their bodies...They captured the entire British government, and offered them the ultimatum that they could either summon spirits and be possessed and have their minds burned out or they could be killed outright. And they all chose to have their minds burned out. Almost all of them. So the army of spirits in human shells swept through the city, eating people or capturing them to eat later...
[ She trails off, remembering it. ]
I was there for the whole thing. From the beginning. It was horrible. It was murder, and it was...brutal. But more, it debased those spirits, too. Sullied them. They were made so grotesque and sad.
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I think I'd prefer another Cetagandan invasion to that.
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[ Her voice is quiet. She pauses a moment, then says: ]
We stopped them. I guess you probably guessed that. That the whole attempt failed. It was 'cause of us.
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[ He's considering her animal form with significantly more alarm now. ]
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[ She nuzzles in closer to him, pressing her face into his pajamas. ]
Not as much as some others.
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... Indeed. But I find surviving to be just as merciless a war as dying.
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[ Her voice is barely even a whisper. ]
I always survive. Good at surviving. Just not keeping others alive.
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Please do continue to do so. Kitty, please ...
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Yeah.
[ Then, with a bit more strength: ]
Yeah. Well. I'm not exactly going to be in any shape to throw myself into danger any longer.
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What do you mean?
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I...was changed. By what I had to do. I'm not like I was before.
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... Is that why you're a fox right now? And a bird previously?
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Yeah.
[ She's quiet a moment. But - if anyone will understand, sympathize, then...it'll be Miles. Right? ]
Set me down.
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[ He carefully does just that. ]
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[ She slips away and takes a few steps back. Then she releases her grip on her power. Lets herself turn into her real form.
She's a strange creature now, to be sure. Her hair is gray and brittle - nothing like the silky dark fall she had before. Her face and hands are wrinkled and mottled, lined with age. But she doesn't look like an old woman - not exactly. Her eyes are bright as a bird's, and her lips are still full, like a young woman's. Still...There's also a clear frailty to her. From the way she kneels on the floor. From the curve of her back.
Her smile is forced. Pained. ]
This is...what I turned into.
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He takes it all in, concern flooding his features - but sympathy too, so much sympathy. He stoops just slightly to meet her, reaching for her hands. ]
Kitty ...
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I spent a few minutes in the Other Place. The world of spirits. To call for allies. This is what it did to me.
[ A beat. ]
It's all right. I'll grow into it. It'll just...take a few years, right?
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Of course. I'll show you all the tricks I've come up with over the years - shortcuts to adapting, very useful. It'll all be second nature soon enough.
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