That's what you're getting out of this? [ She snorts. ]
You organized the damn thing, got all the intel out. You did a helluva lot. But what did you do once we got there? You broke your arm and then spent most of it taking a nap in a closet.
[ It's not as though Miles doubts the importance of all the non-combat work that was done. Vitally, critically important, and he would do a disservice to his father and his family's tactical expertise to claim otherwise.
But sometimes his Barrayaran side gets the better of him, especially when he literally did nothing except break his arm and nap. As Tex so eloquently put it. ]
Anyone could have coordinated. My father would likely have done a better job. In some sense he already did.
A lot of people can do shit, but most people don't. You did. I'm not going to pat your ass over it, but is that what you really think? If one of your Dendarii had done the job you did, would you be telling them how it meant nothing?
Then why are you acting like this is Barrayar? The only reason anyone gives a crap about you fighting is because you end up breaking something. With your command headset, you can do plenty of leading near the front without diving that far in.
[ Miles himself doesn't know how to answer that. Why can't he just let go of it? No one cares here, he's far from the most unusual figure in a place like this ...
But it feels wrong. Cut adrift and lost without walls to fling himself at. He hesitates, groping for words. ]
Why are you still convinced no one but Church will love you?
[ So he's resorting to using that as a distraction. She immediately stiffens and for the first time in their conversation, her gaze focuses on the wall behind him.
When she speaks, her tone is quieter but no less sharp. ]
I never said I was convinced. Don't try to shove that in my face, it's not going to get anyone killed.
[ She shakes her head, still refusing to look at him. ]
No, it's not. My point is when we're on an op, you need to trust who you brought with you. Getting yourself killed over nothing only makes it worse for the rest of us or worse, can get us killed.
[ She's seen that once here already. Maya's death has left an impression on her that's hard to shake. ]
[ He takes it in what is perhaps the wrong way: that she'll leave him if he doesn't shape up. That stings even more, goes straight to the heart of him. But he says nothing this time. ]
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You organized the damn thing, got all the intel out. You did a helluva lot. But what did you do once we got there? You broke your arm and then spent most of it taking a nap in a closet.
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But sometimes his Barrayaran side gets the better of him, especially when he literally did nothing except break his arm and nap. As Tex so eloquently put it. ]
Anyone could have coordinated. My father would likely have done a better job. In some sense he already did.
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A lot of people can do shit, but most people don't. You did. I'm not going to pat your ass over it, but is that what you really think? If one of your Dendarii had done the job you did, would you be telling them how it meant nothing?
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[ It's more a demand and less a question. ]
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It just is. You've all already proven your worth a thousand times over. You have a right to it.
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[ Some of those old feelings he'd had for her creeps into his voice at that. Just enough to color his words. ]
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That doesn't answer my question. Who said you had to prove anything here?
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No one says anything.
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But it feels wrong. Cut adrift and lost without walls to fling himself at. He hesitates, groping for words. ]
Why are you still convinced no one but Church will love you?
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When she speaks, her tone is quieter but no less sharp. ]
I never said I was convinced. Don't try to shove that in my face, it's not going to get anyone killed.
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I had a point. The point is - it's not so easily shaken, is it? The stuff we were made out of.
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No, it's not. My point is when we're on an op, you need to trust who you brought with you. Getting yourself killed over nothing only makes it worse for the rest of us or worse, can get us killed.
[ She's seen that once here already. Maya's death has left an impression on her that's hard to shake. ]
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[ She shakes her head. ] You're supposed to minimize risks.
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What do you want me to say, Tex?
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That you'll be more aware of it in the future. I'm not looking to get myself killed here too.
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[ He's still going to be a little shit, but that's as close to an actual change Tex - or anyone - is going to get out of him. ]
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[ And that's as good of a hint that she'll give of what might happen if things go poorly. She stands and glances over at him. ]
How're you feeling?
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... Exhausted.
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Good thing you can get some rest now. Tell that boy of yours to let you sleep.
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