[IC] [Mask or Menace] Contact Post

[dendarii]

"This is Miles. Leave a message and I'll respond to you at my earliest convenience."

The line has gone silent; any messages sent to this name only return an error.

Comments

[overemotionally]

[...Well this was awkward. He nods.]

You too. See you around.

[And with that he exits to go sleep for a couple days.]

[keep_nothing]

[ After the front door closes, she waits long enough for the tea she's no longer drinking to turn cold in her mug, then waits a few long moments more before she actually stands from the couch. After yet another moment of hesitation, she heads to the kitchen for a glass and the bottle of the wine they keep stocked in the fridge. She opens the bottle in the kitchen first, being practical, then heads upstairs

She knocked gently on Miles door. ]

[dendarii]

[ Miles is still still and dark and stormy, but not as much so, perhaps; now he's mostly just tired. And starting to feel sorry for himself too. He cracks the door a bit when he hears his mother knock. ]

... Yes?

[keep_nothing]

[ She holds the bottle up to the crack in the door so he's less inclined to turn her away. ]

May I come in?

[dendarii]

[ His mom knows him too well. Reluctantly, he swings open the door to let her in. ]

Why not?

[keep_nothing]

[ She learned from Aral, too. She steps in, handing him a glass and keeping one for herself. She sits on the corner of the bed, making sure to not sit on the sheets that look more ... rumpled than the others.

She holds the bottle out to pour his glass first, then her own. She's quiet until he takes his first drink, her voice soft and low. ] How are you feeling, kiddo?

[dendarii]

[ He's cleaned up the worst of the mess already, at least, and he's back in clean clothes. With a soft sigh, he sinks back onto his bed. Takes a long sip before he says anything at all. ]

I didn't ask him to marry me, if that's what you're thinking.

[keep_nothing]

That's not what I asked.

[dendarii]

[ Another exasperated sigh, another long sip of wine. ]

Am I really that unlovable?

[keep_nothing]

Of course you are. [ She blinks. ] Aren't. Wait, you used a negative, that's cheating.

[dendarii]

... Mother, please.

[keep_nothing]

My point is, you are able to be loved, Miles. You just tend to ... [ She searches for a neutral way of saying this, ] not separate the act from the feeling.

[dendarii]

I don't want to separate the act from the feeling. Isn't that how it's supposed to be at its best? Both wrapped up in one? An ultimate expression of love?

[keep_nothing]

It can be, but it doesn't always happen on the first try, love, or even the second. Mine didn't. Your father's didn't.

[dendarii]

But you at least managed something with your earlier partners, right? You felt - emotionally satisfied even if it didn't work out.

[keep_nothing]

[ She can only offer a shrug in answer. ]

My expectations were different than what you're looking for, when I first started out. And even when I thought I wanted more ... well. I certainly thought I was satisfied for a while. But I had compromised myself in doing so.

[dendarii]

"Compromised"? What do you mean?

[keep_nothing]

[ She shifts positions on the bed, bringing both feet up so she can sit cross-legged, leaning the bottle upright against her knee. It makes her look younger somehow, the girlish posture slightly defensive. She swirls the wine in her glass, watching it as she answers. Her tone is light though; the memory doesn't pain her as much as it used to, though it does still hurt to think back on it. ]

I was with someone who was going for their captaincy, same as me. We knew we couldn't both get it, so we talked and decided that I should back down for a while. I thought it was a good idea at the time since I had been thinking about applying for a parent license with him; it wouldn't do well for both of us to blind-jump wormholes when worrying about children back home.

Turns out he never wanted children in the first place. Somewhere in my mind I knew that, but I chose to ignore it. When he got his captaincy, he ended our relationship soon after.

[dendarii]

[ Miles grimaces a bit, self-righteous anger on her behalf filtering across. ]

He should have just told you. At least mine have all been upfront in rejecting me.

[keep_nothing]

[ She waves her hand vaguely, brushing the memory aside and flagging down his anger; it was long ago for her now. ]

Old news now, and not the point here. You can't pry that, how did you call it ... emotional satisfaction from someone else. That's not their job.

[dendarii]

... No. You're right. It's not their job. And if it were, it wouldn't be a relationship, would it?

[ He takes a long drink, then reaches to top himself off. ]

[keep_nothing]

[ She pours for him, keeping control of the bottle for now but at least she's not being stingy. ]

So what happened? It felt like everything was going well until a few minutes before he left. Even the sex seemed like it was pleasant enough.

[dendarii]

[ Jeez, Mom. Miles flushes a bit. ]

It did go well. I ... found I enjoyed it very much.

[keep_nothing]

Yeah? I thought you might.

[dendarii]

Yes, well ... I'll concede you were right on this point.