[IC] [Mask or Menace] Contact Post

[dendarii]

"This is Miles. Leave a message and I'll respond to you at my earliest convenience."

The line has gone silent; any messages sent to this name only return an error.

Comments

[overemotionally]

[Jim grabs Miles' wrist on one of the pushes, connecting their mindscapes once more, Jim's own positively flaring across the link, not in anger but in frustration. Mixed in there was plain relief that all Miles had had was a broken arm from the encounter.

Kirk did his damnedest to try to convey that the decision he made was one in the moment, to minimize potential casualties, heck even showing him some of the quick calculations he had made back then, wanting to eliminate as many variables as he could while pulling off what he was sent off to do. He had had everything figured out to do what he needed by himself. The odds that Miles would be incapacitated in some way or other were too high to justify adjusting his own plan of execution.

And there was just a hint of confusion as to why Miles was so stuck on this, they achieved what they needed to and things were improving with the situation.]

[dendarii]

[ Miles is stubborn in return, unbending. The underside of his usually bright mental landscape is now entirely exposed, all long falls and dizzying abysses. This particular cliff plummets straight down to the core of him, far beyond Jim's telepathic reach. Every small mental movement echoes, the area dizzyingly sensitive after having dealt with it in one way or another all his life.

People make that kind of calculation about him all the time. And they're right a good percentage of the time, and they may even be acting in Miles' best interest. But they're not his decisions. (His parents had understood the importance of this; others, less so.) Miles has clawed and fought so hard for the basic ability to function on his own. Having it torn from him, even in a combat situation, is no small thing.

It doesn't all come through as clearly as that, but it provides the background to everything else going on. Echoes of issues going deep down. Not your decision, he repeats. You don't get to decide for me. ]

[overemotionally]

[That was a lot more than he thought he would find there, recognizing that what all this was about was far beyond what he was capable of. Out of respect, he didn't even bother trying to feel at those mental wounds. He senses the old turmoil deep within, pulled out of the crevices by what he recognizes as his own actions. A little bit of chill settles on his end at this realization.

He reaches out and grabs Miles' other wrist, brows furrowing more.

We can't go back now and undo it.]

[dendarii]

[ Another flare of anger, bright and hot. Nearly a dare.

You could fucking apologize. ]

[overemotionally]

[Good, something he can deal with. He takes the anger and returns with his own flare, less bright, to be replaced with a more consistent presence of determination, nearly a wall.

I'm not sorry that I did what I did when I did it because you're here right now in one piece and we did what we set out to do.]

[dendarii]

[ The anger redoubles - and finding no purchase on Jim's solid wall of determination, builds pressure instead. Not quite so angry, something a bit different. More dizzying, like having one foot over the edge of a cliff as one's balance shifts into freefall.

You did what you set out to do. I did nothing. ]

[overemotionally]

[A flare of frustration of his own comes through but suddenly backs away when he feels that new sensation from Miles. Much different than anything he experienced in their shared mindscape before. His grip on both of Miles' wrists tightens a bit, as though he was able to stop Miles going any further on that edge by adjusting the physical.

You organized teams and helped to extract critical data that Kitty gave her life to obtain. A low burn of embers in the background, heat gently sending out tendrils, stubbornly wanting Miles to back away from that precipice.]

[dendarii]

[ It's a warning rattle. Miles himself doesn't know he broadcasts it; he's too much of a fish to see the water he's swimming in. The feeling doesn't abate yet, but neither does it worsen. Just perched, precariously.

He inches closer on the bed, close enough that he can fist his hands in the front of Jim's shirt while Jim still maintains his grip on Miles' wrists. Very close to Jim now, practically in his face. Not enough. Never enough. ]

[overemotionally]

[Nothing would be.

A very familiar feeling for Jim. A hollow amusement flickers into the mindscape, there and gone. He lets Miles adjust, pulling him in closer by the wrists, then ducks his head down the extra couple of centimeters to press their foreheads together, eyes flickering down to see those fists curled into his shirt, then back up to look into those stubborn grey eyes.

The comfortable heat of desire is starting to lazily make its way across the link when he tilts his head to firmly press his lips to Miles'. His mindscape brightens--this was definitely familiar territory.]

[dendarii]

[ Ah. It's not quite what his impulses were driving him to do - but it's an excellent substitute. That stomach-dropping feeling intensifies as Miles abruptly throws himself into the kiss as hard as he can. Perhaps fortunately for all involved, kissing men still counts as enough of an inherently bad decision for Miles (in his head, anyway) that he feels grimly satisfied by the act long before his own desire starts to pick up heat.

He kisses back angrily and ferociously. Fingers twisting hard in the front of Jim's shirt as his teeth scrape at Jim's lower lip. He leans forward with all of his weight. Pressing Jim down with everything he has rather than the other way around. Not enough, indeed. He wants - a lot of things, but mostly he wants Jim right now, and he wants unrestricted physicality, so he can forget how much his fragility restricts him... ]

[overemotionally]

[Jim can feel that sensation, nearly dizzying and distracting him from bracing himself when his world axis tilts. He can feel the irritability behind the kiss, still not wavering in his own decisions, not even a ripple of doubt. A brief low growl in the back of his throat but whether it was more frustration or want wasn't clear even to himself.

No matter how much Miles protested, verbally, mentally or emotionally, and for whatever reasons, Jim knows he tactically did the right thing. That yawning chasm he got a brief feeling of in Miles' mindscape--more through indirect means than directly sensing it--well, he couldn't have predicted that, no matter what kind of field training he had. He accepted that, respecting Miles' right to be furious at him, letting a couple of thoughts leak across, showing that he had considered how he'd personally react to the situation both while he was making the decisions and while he thought about different ways it could have panned out on his way over here. There was no doubt in his mind that he was prepared for a really negative reaction. His own mindscape was chaos, that warmth turning into flame now reaching aggressively across the their link.

When he gets his bearings, he briefly lets go of Miles' wrists instead bringing his hands up and under the back of his shirt, Jim's blunt fingernails curling into Miles' lower back, pulling him down, needing that physical friction to come somewhere close to matching the mental. He matches Miles' bruisingly hard kisses, unrestrained hunger pulling across his mind.]

[dendarii]

[ Good. The issue itself may not be resolved, but this is a wonderful, glorious distraction. Miles' own desire sparks into life as well; he lets it consume him, doesn't even try to hold it back due to nervousness about Jim being male. If anything that makes it better right now, new and exciting and desperately physical. It helps, too, that Jim at least understands Miles' fury and doesn't try to undercut it. If he can't get an apology then that will have to do ...

Better is the feeling of Jim's fingers digging into his back. His spine is noticeably curved back there, and Miles' skin is just itching for more contact. He just keeps getting closer to Jim. Until he's practically in the other man's lap, pressed close and fitting in neatly next to him. (One perk of being so small is that he's quite good at fitting himself in neatly.) He drags a hand down Jim's shirt in return, then slides it up under the bottom of it once he finds the hem. From there he skates his fingers over Jim's stomach muscles. All the while he doesn't let up kissing for a moment. He's downright ferocious with it. ]

[overemotionally]

[He shudders at the touch. Shifting his hands down and under Miles' thighs, Jim pulls Miles to sit squarely in his lap. His hands trail back up, feeling every vertebra up his back, pushing his shirt with them until he breaks the kiss to pull it up and over his head, attempting to catch a breath of air.

There's a vague background humming of contentment, not dismissive of their discussion earlier, just more comfortable in this element, in familiar territory. Knowing Miles still wanted this too was a good sign.

His hands on either side of Miles' neck, he crushes their lips together once again. He pauses briefly to lift his own shirt up and over his head, tossing it aside to be found later before going back in to wrap his arms fully around Miles' smaller frame (God but he was enjoying how well Miles fit) to pull them chest to chest. He nipped at Miles' lower lip trailing harsh kisses and light bites down his jaw down to the side of his neck.]

[dendarii]

[ The shirt comes off; with it goes some of Miles self-confidence, as he finds himself rather exposed. Slimmer without the shirt, and covered with surgery scars besides. He draws comparisons between himself and Jim's practically Olympian physique and finds himself... well, coming up short. Nervousness darkens into a bit of shame, and that careens just slightly too close to the self-worth issues he'd been having just moments before.

It's a damn good thing Jim is so damn good at being distracting. And Miles likes taller lovers, oh yes, loves the feeling of Jim's arms practically swallowing him up even as his slight frame makes him self-conscious. He wars against himself for a moment. That kissing is amazing and he wants more, so much more ... But does Jim? He breaks off just long enough to gasp for air.

You don't have to, he manages, too breathless for actual words. Do you really want to? With me? ]

[overemotionally]

[He feels the hesitation and something darker again roiling in Miles' mindscape and immediately pulls away to look at his face, assess better if he was doing something wrong. Without knowing exactly what he was sensing, a warmth projects over to try and soothe it nearly instinctively.

He's also breathless, chest heaving.

Yeah. Even his mental voice sounded incredulous that Miles was asking that at this stage. Raw want snakes into that projection across the link.

Whatever you're comfortable with.]

[dendarii]

[ Miles basks in the heat of that want for a moment, practically desperate for it. A balm to the real issue underlying all of this, which is Miles' crippling self-doubt. The argument may be unresolved, but if he can address it in another way, well ... Yes, he wants that. He doesn't realize why he wants it so badly, but oh god he wants Jim right back.

He leans up to press a more tentative kiss to the underside of Jim's jaw. You'll have to show me, he admits. I don't know what I'm doing. You'll be the first. He trusts it's obvious enough that he doesn't mean virginity here. ]

[overemotionally]

[This certainly wasn't Jim's first rodeo--either the whole situation or being someone's first. He exhales at the kiss to his jaw, a desperate measure to keep himself even at this point. His self-control was getting an impressive workout right now.]

Sure. You tell me what's okay and what's not.

[Some things needed to be said aloud. Although Jim is eager to use the telepathy to tease out what feels best for Miles.]

[dendarii]

[ The telepathy will be a huge help. Instant feedback, both positive and negative ... starting with right now. Relief filters over at that promise. Miles still doesn't know for sure what he likes, if he likes any of it. But he's okay with figuring it out like this. ]

... Of course. You as well.

45 min-1 hr later;;

[overemotionally]

--

[Jim is enjoying the post-sex haze, laying on his stomach next to Miles, hand joined to his, barely enough energy to grip right now but wanting and needing to maintain contact. Telepathy during sex was intense and he was all about it.

The most he could manage right this second was an air of query across the link, wondering how Miles was doing.]

[dendarii]

[ Exhausted, mostly, but pleased. So very pleased in his own post-coital way, both from the physicality of it and the sense of having settled something mentally for himself. Had he enjoyed every second of it? No, but he's never actually had sex that good. Would it have been better if Jim had been a woman? Probably. But Jim had been very good, and everything they'd done had been very pleasurable, and Miles had found Jim's masculinity to be an exciting novelty rather than the brick wall he'd feared ...

So he's feeling good. Satisfied. A sense of ... something answered. All right, Miles Naismith Vorkosigan is bisexual. Which means ... what, exactly? He feels as though he needed to know this for sure for some reason, but that reason isn't quite coming to mind.

He shifts a bit on the bed, cuddling closer to Jim. (Watch out Jim, Miles is a cuddle monster.) He projects back sleepy satisfaction, and then his own question in return. How was it for you? ]

[overemotionally]

[Jim shifts and brings his hand down instead to drape over Miles' hip, hand at his back and pulling a bit to bring him closer.

He was slowly starting to come back to himself. Today has been a day and a half physically, mentally, emotionally. A small ember of pride with a flicker of smugness in the back of his mind that Miles had apparently looked favorably on his first time having sex with a man.

Good. Great. He has to mentally regather himself. Damn he was going to sleep well tonight. He just needed to make sure he got back to his place.

Telepathy was different.

Give him a couple minutes to regain himself, Miles, he's usually more engaging in pillow talk.]

[dendarii]

[ Very favorable, very pleasant ... But Miles almost enjoys the cuddling most of all. It's so pleasant to be quietly intimate with someone he'd just been very intimate with. He reaches out gently to trace Jim's jawline with his fingertips.

Agreed, thinks Miles, a soft smile spreading over his face. I'm not sure I can go back now. You may have ruined me. ]

[overemotionally]

[He shivers slightly at the light touch. He seemed to be a lot more sensitive than he usually was--like a lowkey faint buzzing at the surface of his consciousness. A faint restlessness starts to writhe in the back of his mind when Miles smiles at him, combined with that faint touch...Jim tamps it down for now.

He uses the arm not pressed against Miles' back to prop himself up on his elbow and looks down at him.

This isn't the part where I apologize, right? His smile is a bit more mischievous.]

[dendarii]

[ Miles just snorts at that. Hell no. I might smack you if you did. He keeps up with that light touch, just enjoying all the contours of Jim's face. Those firm cheekbones, his electric blue eyes ... Jim may be feeling a bit of restlessness here, but Miles is settling down the more he lingers. He wants to stay like this forever if he could. ]

[overemotionally]

[Yeah no, not apologizing.

Even if it had been Miles' first time and there were some awkward spots due to unfamiliarity, there was no doubt the telepathy had amped up the whole experience.

He closes his eyes to let Miles explore, enjoying the feeling itself.

But Jim's usual free-flowing warmth (now a glow) starts to restrict itself, that disquiet trying to come free.

He opens his eyes again to refocus on Miles, ducking down to lazily kiss him, relatively chaste compared to earlier, in a small effort to distract himself. He could feel that his lips were a bit swollen already.]