[Jim can feel that sensation, nearly dizzying and distracting him from bracing himself when his world axis tilts. He can feel the irritability behind the kiss, still not wavering in his own decisions, not even a ripple of doubt. A brief low growl in the back of his throat but whether it was more frustration or want wasn't clear even to himself.
No matter how much Miles protested, verbally, mentally or emotionally, and for whatever reasons, Jim knows he tactically did the right thing. That yawning chasm he got a brief feeling of in Miles' mindscape--more through indirect means than directly sensing it--well, he couldn't have predicted that, no matter what kind of field training he had. He accepted that, respecting Miles' right to be furious at him, letting a couple of thoughts leak across, showing that he had considered how he'd personally react to the situation both while he was making the decisions and while he thought about different ways it could have panned out on his way over here. There was no doubt in his mind that he was prepared for a really negative reaction. His own mindscape was chaos, that warmth turning into flame now reaching aggressively across the their link.
When he gets his bearings, he briefly lets go of Miles' wrists instead bringing his hands up and under the back of his shirt, Jim's blunt fingernails curling into Miles' lower back, pulling him down, needing that physical friction to come somewhere close to matching the mental. He matches Miles' bruisingly hard kisses, unrestrained hunger pulling across his mind.]
[ Good. The issue itself may not be resolved, but this is a wonderful, glorious distraction. Miles' own desire sparks into life as well; he lets it consume him, doesn't even try to hold it back due to nervousness about Jim being male. If anything that makes it better right now, new and exciting and desperately physical. It helps, too, that Jim at least understands Miles' fury and doesn't try to undercut it. If he can't get an apology then that will have to do ...
Better is the feeling of Jim's fingers digging into his back. His spine is noticeably curved back there, and Miles' skin is just itching for more contact. He just keeps getting closer to Jim. Until he's practically in the other man's lap, pressed close and fitting in neatly next to him. (One perk of being so small is that he's quite good at fitting himself in neatly.) He drags a hand down Jim's shirt in return, then slides it up under the bottom of it once he finds the hem. From there he skates his fingers over Jim's stomach muscles. All the while he doesn't let up kissing for a moment. He's downright ferocious with it. ]
[He shudders at the touch. Shifting his hands down and under Miles' thighs, Jim pulls Miles to sit squarely in his lap. His hands trail back up, feeling every vertebra up his back, pushing his shirt with them until he breaks the kiss to pull it up and over his head, attempting to catch a breath of air.
There's a vague background humming of contentment, not dismissive of their discussion earlier, just more comfortable in this element, in familiar territory. Knowing Miles still wanted this too was a good sign.
His hands on either side of Miles' neck, he crushes their lips together once again. He pauses briefly to lift his own shirt up and over his head, tossing it aside to be found later before going back in to wrap his arms fully around Miles' smaller frame (God but he was enjoying how well Miles fit) to pull them chest to chest. He nipped at Miles' lower lip trailing harsh kisses and light bites down his jaw down to the side of his neck.]
[ The shirt comes off; with it goes some of Miles self-confidence, as he finds himself rather exposed. Slimmer without the shirt, and covered with surgery scars besides. He draws comparisons between himself and Jim's practically Olympian physique and finds himself... well, coming up short. Nervousness darkens into a bit of shame, and that careens just slightly too close to the self-worth issues he'd been having just moments before.
It's a damn good thing Jim is so damn good at being distracting. And Miles likes taller lovers, oh yes, loves the feeling of Jim's arms practically swallowing him up even as his slight frame makes him self-conscious. He wars against himself for a moment. That kissing is amazing and he wants more, so much more ... But does Jim? He breaks off just long enough to gasp for air.
You don't have to, he manages, too breathless for actual words. Do you really want to? With me? ]
[He feels the hesitation and something darker again roiling in Miles' mindscape and immediately pulls away to look at his face, assess better if he was doing something wrong. Without knowing exactly what he was sensing, a warmth projects over to try and soothe it nearly instinctively.
He's also breathless, chest heaving.
Yeah. Even his mental voice sounded incredulous that Miles was asking that at this stage. Raw want snakes into that projection across the link.
[ Miles basks in the heat of that want for a moment, practically desperate for it. A balm to the real issue underlying all of this, which is Miles' crippling self-doubt. The argument may be unresolved, but if he can address it in another way, well ... Yes, he wants that. He doesn't realize why he wants it so badly, but oh god he wants Jim right back.
He leans up to press a more tentative kiss to the underside of Jim's jaw. You'll have to show me, he admits. I don't know what I'm doing. You'll be the first. He trusts it's obvious enough that he doesn't mean virginity here. ]
[This certainly wasn't Jim's first rodeo--either the whole situation or being someone's first. He exhales at the kiss to his jaw, a desperate measure to keep himself even at this point. His self-control was getting an impressive workout right now.]
Sure. You tell me what's okay and what's not.
[Some things needed to be said aloud. Although Jim is eager to use the telepathy to tease out what feels best for Miles.]
[ The telepathy will be a huge help. Instant feedback, both positive and negative ... starting with right now. Relief filters over at that promise. Miles still doesn't know for sure what he likes, if he likes any of it. But he's okay with figuring it out like this. ]
[Jim is enjoying the post-sex haze, laying on his stomach next to Miles, hand joined to his, barely enough energy to grip right now but wanting and needing to maintain contact. Telepathy during sex was intense and he was all about it.
The most he could manage right this second was an air of query across the link, wondering how Miles was doing.]
[ Exhausted, mostly, but pleased. So very pleased in his own post-coital way, both from the physicality of it and the sense of having settled something mentally for himself. Had he enjoyed every second of it? No, but he's never actually had sex that good. Would it have been better if Jim had been a woman? Probably. But Jim had been very good, and everything they'd done had been very pleasurable, and Miles had found Jim's masculinity to be an exciting novelty rather than the brick wall he'd feared ...
So he's feeling good. Satisfied. A sense of ... something answered. All right, Miles Naismith Vorkosigan is bisexual. Which means ... what, exactly? He feels as though he needed to know this for sure for some reason, but that reason isn't quite coming to mind.
He shifts a bit on the bed, cuddling closer to Jim. (Watch out Jim, Miles is a cuddle monster.) He projects back sleepy satisfaction, and then his own question in return. How was it for you? ]
[Jim shifts and brings his hand down instead to drape over Miles' hip, hand at his back and pulling a bit to bring him closer.
He was slowly starting to come back to himself. Today has been a day and a half physically, mentally, emotionally. A small ember of pride with a flicker of smugness in the back of his mind that Miles had apparently looked favorably on his first time having sex with a man.
Good. Great. He has to mentally regather himself. Damn he was going to sleep well tonight. He just needed to make sure he got back to his place.
Telepathy was different.
Give him a couple minutes to regain himself, Miles, he's usually more engaging in pillow talk.]
[ Very favorable, very pleasant ... But Miles almost enjoys the cuddling most of all. It's so pleasant to be quietly intimate with someone he'd just been very intimate with. He reaches out gently to trace Jim's jawline with his fingertips.
Agreed, thinks Miles, a soft smile spreading over his face. I'm not sure I can go back now. You may have ruined me. ]
[He shivers slightly at the light touch. He seemed to be a lot more sensitive than he usually was--like a lowkey faint buzzing at the surface of his consciousness. A faint restlessness starts to writhe in the back of his mind when Miles smiles at him, combined with that faint touch...Jim tamps it down for now.
He uses the arm not pressed against Miles' back to prop himself up on his elbow and looks down at him.
This isn't the part where I apologize, right? His smile is a bit more mischievous.]
[ Miles just snorts at that. Hell no. I might smack you if you did. He keeps up with that light touch, just enjoying all the contours of Jim's face. Those firm cheekbones, his electric blue eyes ... Jim may be feeling a bit of restlessness here, but Miles is settling down the more he lingers. He wants to stay like this forever if he could. ]
Even if it had been Miles' first time and there were some awkward spots due to unfamiliarity, there was no doubt the telepathy had amped up the whole experience.
He closes his eyes to let Miles explore, enjoying the feeling itself.
But Jim's usual free-flowing warmth (now a glow) starts to restrict itself, that disquiet trying to come free.
He opens his eyes again to refocus on Miles, ducking down to lazily kiss him, relatively chaste compared to earlier, in a small effort to distract himself. He could feel that his lips were a bit swollen already.]
[ Miles is just brightening at that, taking the gesture as pure affection rather than distraction. If anything he's subconsciously trying to make up for the slower flow of warmth from Jim. He returns the kiss with a grin, feeling rather sore but oh so pleased ... ]
Miles' side blinks out instantly as well. His bright fire replaced by coolness and darkness. So that's what this was. Thankfully he's not so deep into this that he's upset the way he was with Tex (and others), but it still stings. He tries to hide it by sitting back, no longer making skin contact with Jim. Is it so bad to just sleep with someone? Jim been wonderful, respectful, affectionate in ways that some of his other problematic relationships hadn't been ... And really, Miles had been using him a little too. So why be upset? Not fair to Jim, surely ...
He has to take a deep breath anyway. Tries to force himself to smile again. ]
[He feels that warmth blink out before losing contact with Miles. Shit. He definitely didn't need telepathy for a reaction like that.]
Okay wait, we're not doing this like this.
[He reaches over the side of the bed, grabs his boxer briefs and sits up to put them back on, grabbing Miles' undergarments and tossing them near him before settling back on the bed legs crossed, facing Miles squarely. His hands are folded, playing with his fingers as he leans forward, giving Miles a bit of time to compose himself.
He's had this conversation before just...never with someone quite like Miles--someone he didn't want to lose entirely.]
[ Not knowing what Jim's intentions are, that transition seems rather abrupt. Like he's being thrown out of his own room or something. He just holds onto his undergarments for a moment, a bit stunned by that reaction. Was it that bad? Did he misstep that terribly? ]
Ah ... right. I won't keep you here, of course.
[ Even though his shoulders are slumped a bit miserably here. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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No matter how much Miles protested, verbally, mentally or emotionally, and for whatever reasons, Jim knows he tactically did the right thing. That yawning chasm he got a brief feeling of in Miles' mindscape--more through indirect means than directly sensing it--well, he couldn't have predicted that, no matter what kind of field training he had. He accepted that, respecting Miles' right to be furious at him, letting a couple of thoughts leak across, showing that he had considered how he'd personally react to the situation both while he was making the decisions and while he thought about different ways it could have panned out on his way over here. There was no doubt in his mind that he was prepared for a really negative reaction. His own mindscape was chaos, that warmth turning into flame now reaching aggressively across the their link.
When he gets his bearings, he briefly lets go of Miles' wrists instead bringing his hands up and under the back of his shirt, Jim's blunt fingernails curling into Miles' lower back, pulling him down, needing that physical friction to come somewhere close to matching the mental. He matches Miles' bruisingly hard kisses, unrestrained hunger pulling across his mind.]
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Better is the feeling of Jim's fingers digging into his back. His spine is noticeably curved back there, and Miles' skin is just itching for more contact. He just keeps getting closer to Jim. Until he's practically in the other man's lap, pressed close and fitting in neatly next to him. (One perk of being so small is that he's quite good at fitting himself in neatly.) He drags a hand down Jim's shirt in return, then slides it up under the bottom of it once he finds the hem. From there he skates his fingers over Jim's stomach muscles. All the while he doesn't let up kissing for a moment. He's downright ferocious with it. ]
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There's a vague background humming of contentment, not dismissive of their discussion earlier, just more comfortable in this element, in familiar territory. Knowing Miles still wanted this too was a good sign.
His hands on either side of Miles' neck, he crushes their lips together once again. He pauses briefly to lift his own shirt up and over his head, tossing it aside to be found later before going back in to wrap his arms fully around Miles' smaller frame (God but he was enjoying how well Miles fit) to pull them chest to chest. He nipped at Miles' lower lip trailing harsh kisses and light bites down his jaw down to the side of his neck.]
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It's a damn good thing Jim is so damn good at being distracting. And Miles likes taller lovers, oh yes, loves the feeling of Jim's arms practically swallowing him up even as his slight frame makes him self-conscious. He wars against himself for a moment. That kissing is amazing and he wants more, so much more ... But does Jim? He breaks off just long enough to gasp for air.
You don't have to, he manages, too breathless for actual words. Do you really want to? With me? ]
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He's also breathless, chest heaving.
Yeah. Even his mental voice sounded incredulous that Miles was asking that at this stage. Raw want snakes into that projection across the link.
Whatever you're comfortable with.]
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He leans up to press a more tentative kiss to the underside of Jim's jaw. You'll have to show me, he admits. I don't know what I'm doing. You'll be the first. He trusts it's obvious enough that he doesn't mean virginity here. ]
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Sure. You tell me what's okay and what's not.
[Some things needed to be said aloud. Although Jim is eager to use the telepathy to tease out what feels best for Miles.]
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... Of course. You as well.
45 min-1 hr later;;
[Jim is enjoying the post-sex haze, laying on his stomach next to Miles, hand joined to his, barely enough energy to grip right now but wanting and needing to maintain contact. Telepathy during sex was intense and he was all about it.
The most he could manage right this second was an air of query across the link, wondering how Miles was doing.]
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So he's feeling good. Satisfied. A sense of ... something answered. All right, Miles Naismith Vorkosigan is bisexual. Which means ... what, exactly? He feels as though he needed to know this for sure for some reason, but that reason isn't quite coming to mind.
He shifts a bit on the bed, cuddling closer to Jim. (Watch out Jim, Miles is a cuddle monster.) He projects back sleepy satisfaction, and then his own question in return. How was it for you? ]
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He was slowly starting to come back to himself. Today has been a day and a half physically, mentally, emotionally. A small ember of pride with a flicker of smugness in the back of his mind that Miles had apparently looked favorably on his first time having sex with a man.
Good. Great. He has to mentally regather himself. Damn he was going to sleep well tonight. He just needed to make sure he got back to his place.
Telepathy was different.
Give him a couple minutes to regain himself, Miles, he's usually more engaging in pillow talk.]
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Agreed, thinks Miles, a soft smile spreading over his face. I'm not sure I can go back now. You may have ruined me. ]
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He uses the arm not pressed against Miles' back to prop himself up on his elbow and looks down at him.
This isn't the part where I apologize, right? His smile is a bit more mischievous.]
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Even if it had been Miles' first time and there were some awkward spots due to unfamiliarity, there was no doubt the telepathy had amped up the whole experience.
He closes his eyes to let Miles explore, enjoying the feeling itself.
But Jim's usual free-flowing warmth (now a glow) starts to restrict itself, that disquiet trying to come free.
He opens his eyes again to refocus on Miles, ducking down to lazily kiss him, relatively chaste compared to earlier, in a small effort to distract himself. He could feel that his lips were a bit swollen already.]
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So what should we call this, eh?
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"This"?
[His brain was starting to really come back online and oh shit Miles wasn't asking what he thought he was asking--]
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Er, you know. The two of us? What are you thinking?
[ He hides his own nervousness by leaning in to mouth at Jim's neck lightly. ]
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...I'm guessing you're not referring to us being friends.
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Yes, Jim. We did just sleep together. That makes us rather more than platonic.
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That gentle ebb and flow to their shared mindscape stops abruptly. He hates these talks.]
Does it? I thought we were just having fun.
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Miles' side blinks out instantly as well. His bright fire replaced by coolness and darkness. So that's what this was. Thankfully he's not so deep into this that he's upset the way he was with Tex (and others), but it still stings. He tries to hide it by sitting back, no longer making skin contact with Jim. Is it so bad to just sleep with someone? Jim been wonderful, respectful, affectionate in ways that some of his other problematic relationships hadn't been ... And really, Miles had been using him a little too. So why be upset? Not fair to Jim, surely ...
He has to take a deep breath anyway. Tries to force himself to smile again. ]
Sure, sure. Just fun. No attachment.
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Okay wait, we're not doing this like this.
[He reaches over the side of the bed, grabs his boxer briefs and sits up to put them back on, grabbing Miles' undergarments and tossing them near him before settling back on the bed legs crossed, facing Miles squarely. His hands are folded, playing with his fingers as he leans forward, giving Miles a bit of time to compose himself.
He's had this conversation before just...never with someone quite like Miles--someone he didn't want to lose entirely.]
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Ah ... right. I won't keep you here, of course.
[ Even though his shoulders are slumped a bit miserably here. ]
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Look, Miles. I don't do relationships.
[He resists the urge for now to brace Miles up by his shoulders to get rid of that slouch, linking and unlinking his fingers to keep them busy.]
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